Velvet Smooth (1976) continues Blaxploitation History Month in the tale of a private eye called in to find out who’s responsible for ripping off King, a low-level criminal running the numbers game. Can Velvet and her girls crack the case, with thugs and cops on either side hassling her? Or will we witness another interminable donnybrook with 3rd-grade-level fight choreography? (Our money is on the latter.)
Bats (1999) is one of the last “nature run amok” movies released to theaters before that genre became entirely relegated to the Syfy Channel. Bats makes the case that maybe that’s where they deserved to go.
This episode was previously premium Patreon content which originally posted on January 4th, 2021.
Ninja (2009) concludes NINJANUARY, as Scott Adkins plays Casey, an American orphan trained in the ways of the ninja. His biggest rival is kicked out of the dojo and becomes the world’s deadliest assassin. What happens when they both clash over the legendary Yoroi Bitsu, a chest full of powerful ninja stuff? Spoiler: it involves a lot of jump kicks, katanas and CG blood. Does this movie jump to the top of our ninja list or die dishonorably?
3 Ninjas (1992) continues NINJANUARY! Three American brothers (Rocky, Colt and Tum Tum) learn from their ninja grandfather the ways of being a true ninja. If you’re a millennial, you probably loved this. Last week, Nine Deaths of the Ninja lied to us about the amount of deaths. What untruths about ninjas are there to be uncovered this week? Stay tuned, but first…we feast!
Nine Deaths of the Ninja (1985) officially begins Ninjanuary! Sho Kosugi returns as a member of D.A.R.T., the world’s most elite anti-terrorism squad. They have to save a bus full of diplomats, children and tour guides who have been taken hostage. Featuring some of the most bizarre villains we’ve ever seen, does this ninja movie that’s more James Bond by way of GI Joe deliver the goods or leave us stranded in the jungle?
Collision Course (1989) pairs Jay Leno and Pat Morita as mismatched buddycops solving a case in Detroit. Much racism, zero laughs and one very insane moment late in the film is the result. Bonus: Harlo explains that he cannot see Jay Leno.
This episode was previously premium Patreon content which originally posted on December 21st, 2020.
Violent Night (2022) snuck out onto digital this week and so we jettisoned our original holiday plans. I mean, why wouldn’t we? This is David Harbour as a disgruntled, ancient warrior Santa trapped in a modern Die Hard/Home Alone scenario. If you like movies that we like, this is definitely for you. Have a Happy Holiday everyone!
The Brain (1988) is our second film from director Ed Hunt (Alien Warrior). While not nearly as insane as that film, it does have its own “Uhhh, what the heck is this?” thing going on. Canadian teens are menaced by a giant brain that eats people and wants a popular TV show. And it’s a Christmas movie.
Species II (1998) is the unnecessary sequel to the 1995 surprise hit, and it doesn’t even bother with that film’s sequel hook. This one has THREE sequel hooks in the end, and we’d wager that Species III doesn’t use any of them either.
This episode was previously premium Patreon content which originally posted on December 8th, 2020.
The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982) was the late director Albert Pyun’s first film. Most would also argue that it was his best film, and we’re here to tell you that they’re not wrong. The details here aren’t too important, but your standard fantasy tropes are all in place and if that’s what you’re into you’re going to have a good time.
